I Should Be Writing

I should be writing. I want to be writing. I need to be writing. I am afraid to. Opening to the truth of my fear, to the full reality of the new tumor in her lung that grew from nothing to the size of a lemon in two months, is overwhelming. This whole damn thing is overwhelming.

My sister is strong, brave, and stubborn. She will fight this cancer with her whole self. She will endure the pain, the nausea, the fatigue. She will push down her fear and doubt believing in the expertise of her oncologist and the power of medical science. She trusts in her faith and the wisdom of her spiritual leaders.

I wish I was more like her! I don’t feel strong. I don’t feel brave. I am afraid, deeply afraid. Still… I will stand beside her through it all. I will try to be a rock she can lean on. I will help her fight in the ways I can. Come what may, I will be there each step of the way!

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