Day 26 – Don’t Leave Me Here

Writing makes me stronger. I need that tonight. There are dozens of images, emotional memories, and fears flashing through my brain. The ptsd I battle is always at its worst right before a chemotherapy session. I suppose it’s because I see him in the chemo chair at Hancock Regional Hospital. I see and remember everything…

Day 22 – Preparing for Battle

Chemo number 2 in 4 days. I am preparing mentally, emotionally, and physically for battle. The enemy is clear in this war, but each battle is full of landmines, hand grenades, and unexpected friendly fire. So I prepare for battle! I make very certain that my support system is at the ready. I spend time…

Day 21 – Kickin’ Cancer’s Ass!

Five days ago I was in Chicago looking for a place my brain could forget the trauma and trajedy for a moment. Five days ago my sister texted me that it was time to shave her head. Five days ago every tiniest shred of denial fell away. My heart broke. Not even writing was possible….

Day 16 – A Little Chicago Selfcare

After a pretty heavy session with my therapist yesterday fighting the fears I share only with her, I decided I needed time with my sister to regain some balance in this new normal we are all living. Sis isn’t strong enough for lunch out right now, so I brought a veggie filled salad lunch to…

Day 13 – A Day With My Dad

Before my family gets all crazy let me say that yes, he is OUR dad. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister, all older than dirt. Lol. They are not the ones writing this¬†however. I am. And he is MY dad, even if I have to share him sometimes. Today is Father’s Day, of course….

Day 11 – I Can’t Dance Today

Okay… well..¬† I could, but I don’t want to. So I am not gonna right now! Trigger Alert: This post is full of difficult memories of my husband’s llness and death. I swear if I hear one more person say some bullshit to me like, “Think positive!” I am going to scream. Let me tell…

Day 10 – Port Placement Today

Sitting in the hospital with my sister again. Another procedure. Another way to fight for her health. A port really is a wonderful invention for a person battling cancer. After just one chemo treatment, Sis’s vein is already chemically burned. A port will protect the rest of her veins and help make chemo as smooth…