Charlie

Charlie can’t make it all better. Nothing can ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER make it all better. Well, a miracle could, and maybe just maybe we will get our miracle next week. Maybe the chemo is shrinking the tumor in her lung. Maybe at minimum it is keeping it from growing and spreading. Maybe it’s…

Hotel Monteleone

Sis is having a pretty hard time dealing with the side effects of last week’s chemotherapy and Neulasta shot. The pain is not well controlled at this point. The nausea and digestive cramping are making Sis sick. The fatigue overwhelms her. To say she is sick doesn’t really express the full truth of her illness….

Day 26 – Don’t Leave Me Here

Writing makes me stronger. I need that tonight. There are dozens of images, emotional memories, and fears flashing through my brain. The ptsd I battle is always at its worst right before a chemotherapy session. I suppose it’s because I see him in the chemo chair at Hancock Regional Hospital. I see and remember everything…

Day 22 – Preparing for Battle

Chemo number 2 in 4 days. I am preparing mentally, emotionally, and physically for battle. The enemy is clear in this war, but each battle is full of landmines, hand grenades, and unexpected friendly fire. So I prepare for battle! I make very certain that my support system is at the ready. I spend time…

Day 16 – A Little Chicago Selfcare

After a pretty heavy session with my therapist yesterday fighting the fears I share only with her, I decided I needed time with my sister to regain some balance in this new normal we are all living. Sis isn’t strong enough for lunch out right now, so I brought a veggie filled salad lunch to…

Day 11 – I Can’t Dance Today

Okay… well..  I could, but I don’t want to. So I am not gonna right now! Trigger Alert: This post is full of difficult memories of my husband’s llness and death. I swear if I hear one more person say some bullshit to me like, “Think positive!” I am going to scream. Let me tell…

Day 7 – Tired Today

All evening my spirit has been screaming for me to write a poem called I Am Tired. It’s a poem about all the things that are so very difficult in my sister’s cancer battle. I can’t yet allow myself to access the depth of emotion necessary to make the poem what it wants to be….